If Only You Knew Read online

Why the secrecy? Why hadn't his mother mentioned her other son? Why hadn't his father?

  He was curious about Ric Justice. From the articles he'd managed to find about Ric, and the interview he'd had today, Ric seemed to be a pretty decent man. His mother had been a beautiful but flighty woman. She depended on her husband to make most of the decisions. Even so, why would she all but ignore her firstborn? Adam closed his eyes. The question burned in his mind. It was a question he was going to find the answer to.

  Her mother was driving her crazy. Anna May pushed the grocery cart down the spice aisle of the DeKalb Farmers' Market. Today, the day before her wedding, her mother decided she wanted to make curried shrimp, Anna May's favorite dish.

  "It's not like I'm going to eat any of it," she muttered down the aisle. She was too nervous to eat. This time tomorrow she would be Mrs. Garrick Trevor Justice. Anna May Justice. The last virgin over the age of thirty in the state of Georgia.

  As she made her way to the seafood area, doubt began to bubble to the surface. Was she doing the right thing, or was she on a course that would ruin her friendship with Ric? When she reached the seafood counter, a very pregnant woman stood in line in front of her. All of her doubt dissipated at the sight of the woman.

  Her resolve crystallized, and she straightened her shoulders. Giving birth to a child, a child created with the man she loved, was worth all the moments of doubts and insecurity she was feeling. It was worth the disagreement with her family. It was worth risking the best friend she'd ever had.

  She remembered Janet's advice to make Ric love her. She had to try. Ric's love was worth the risks she was taking. If her gamble paid off, she would have a child to love and a loving husband. Yes, it was worth the risk.

  Thirty minutes later she parked inside her garage.

  Her mother met her at the door. "Here, let me help you."

  "It's only two bags, Mama."

  "Well, give me one." Her polite tone was at odds with the commanding way she took the bag out of Anna May's hand.

  "Another package came for you while you were out," her mother said.

  "Oh, what was it?" Anna May put her bag on the kitchen table.

  "I don't know. I left it in the den. Why don't you see what it is. I'll put away the groceries."

  She'd heard that tone in her mother's voice before, and she knew she would have to do what her mother said.

  "Yes, ma'am," she replied then walked down the hall to her den. Frowning, she reached for the knob of the door. She never kept this door closed. With a shrug, she turned the knob and walked inside.

  "Surprise!" Janet, Marianne, and Raina yelled. Anna May stared in wonder. Her den had been transformed. Balloons and streamers hung from the walls. Her desk was stacked with gaily wrapped gifts, and in the middle of her coffee table was a cake from her favorite bakery in town.

  "What is this?" she asked still a little dazed.

  "It's a wedding shower, baby girl," her mother replied from behind her.

  "You sent me to the farmers' market to get me out of the house?"

  "Of course, I did. How else were we going to give you a shower?" her mother replied taking her hand and leading her to a chair decorated with balloons. "Now have a seat and enjoy yourself."

  "Wait," Marianne said. "We've got to take a picture before everybody else gets here."

  "Everybody else?" Anna May asked.

  "Yes, the other women at the office and some of the ladies from church. You came back too early for them to get here," Raina answered.

  "Come on, y'all. Gather around Anna May while I set this up." Marianne toyed with the video camera.

  As her mother and friends gathered around her, she said a silent prayer of thanks.

  Minutes later her den was filled. Twenty women from her church and office wandered around the den, drinking punch and eating finger sandwiches.

  "Okay, ladies. It's time for the bride to open her presents. Anna May, come and have a seat." Janet raised her voice over the muffled noise of the crowd.

  Anna May sat down in the balloon-decorated chair. "I really appreciate this," she said.

  "You don't have to thank us. I'm sure your husband will thank us enough," said one of the women from her office.

  She blushed as the women around her laughed knowingly.

  "Here's the first gift," Raina said sitting between her and the desk.

  Anna May opened the card. "Oh, it's from Mama." She ripped the paper from the box. The name of a famous lingerie shop was embossed on the box top. Lifting the top, Anna May gasped and Raina starting laughing.

  "What? Hold it up so all of us can see," Marianne demanded from behind the video camera.

  Reluctantly she held up the virginal white, totally sheer chiffon gown.

  "Ooh. She'll have that gown on all of two minutes," another lady added.

  "You think it will last that long?" her mother asked.

  "Mama," Anna May cried knowing her face was as red as a tomato.

  "What? You'll find out what we're talking about tomorrow," her mother responded.

  Anna May put the gown back in the box and reached for the next gift, hoping it wouldn't be as risque as her mother's gift. She was wrong.

  "This one is from Marianne," she said after reading the card. Eagerly she opened the box. Laughter erupted when she held up the black lace and satin merry widow and matching thong.

  When she could control her laughter, her mother said, "I wouldn't wear that the first night, baby girl. You might not be ready for his reaction."

  Later when the majority of her guests had left and her gifts lay open on the coffee table, Anna May and the other members of the Ladies' Club drank a final cup of coffee.

  "Did Mama leave to go to the airport already?"

  "Yes. She said she wanted to get there early in case your brother was able to get the earlier flight," Raina replied.

  "Well, Anna May, this is it. Your last night as a single woman," Janet said with her stocking-clad feet propped on the table.

  "Yes, this is it," she replied wrapping both hands around the cup.

  "It's also the last night that your virginity will still be intact. We're your friends," Raina said softly. "And your mother might or might not talk to you about your wedding night, but we don't want you to go in unaware."

  "That's really nice, but I know about sex," she replied feeling heat return to her face.

  "Knowing and doing are two different things," Marianne added folding her legs beneath her. "That's like reading a book on how to drive and actually driving."

  "What we're trying to say is, if you have any questions, ask us—but we figured you'd be too embarrassed to ask us, so the three of us came up with a list of things we wanted to tell you," Janet said.

  Anna May listened as each of her friends spoke frankly about the act of making love. At several times during their speech, she put her hands over her flushed cheeks.

  "The last thing is only the two of you can decide what's right or wrong in lovemaking. Talk to Ric. Tell him what you liked or didn't like. Ask him to do the same. You have to work at pleasing each other. It's not something that most people know how to do right off the bat," Marianne said.

  "I don't know what to say," Anna May said softly.

  "You don't have to say anything. We want you to know that we want this marriage to work just as much as you do. Maybe next time we give you a shower, it'll be a baby shower," Raina said.

  "I hope so. I really hope so."

  "Are you ready?" her brother Steven asked as he entered the church nursery which Anna May and her mother used as a changing area. The music from the church orchestra filled the room and was silenced when he closed the door.

  Anna May looked down at the winter white, two-piece suit she'd chosen over the more traditional wedding gown and veil. She turned to the side to check the hem of the floor-length skirt.

  "I'm as ready as I'm ever going to be," she said.

  "Be happy, baby girl," her mother said giving her a hug befor
e she left the room to take her seat in the church.

  The two of them stood alone in the room. "Are you sure this is what you want to do?" he asked.

  "I'm sure," she said with conviction.

  He offered her his arm and they left the room. Her stomach clenched at the familiar notes of the wedding march. Subconsciously she was aware of the small group, consisting of her friends and family, rising to their feet—but her focus was on the man standing at the end of the aisle.

  Lord, the man was handsome, she thought as she walked toward him. He wore a black tuxedo, white shirt, and a black bow tie. Never in her wildest dreams could she imagine him looking as good as he did. She tightened her grasp on Steven's arm. Ric looked calm and confident as if getting married was something he did every day. While she felt as if a herd of crazed butterflies had taken residence in her stomach.

  Steven kissed her cheek when they reached the end of the aisle. Ric smiled and took her hand as they turned to face her father. She repeated the sacred vows to love, honor, and obey until death do us part with all the love she had inside of her. The vows were real to her, and she meant to keep them.

  "You may kiss the bride," she heard her father say. Shyly she looked at her husband. Her heartbeat quickened as he lowered his head. The touch of his lips on hers stole her breath. With soft questing stroking of his tongue, he parted her lips. The taste of him made her shiver in delight Slowly he lifted his head. She opened her eyes and met his dark golden gaze which held promises of things to come.

  Dimly she heard the sound of her father's voice. "Friends, I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Garrick Justice." Ric took her hand as they turned to face the audience. His hand tightened on hers almost to the point of being painful. Anna May looked at him, puzzled by his reaction. She then followed his gaze to an older couple sitting in the back of the church.

  "What's wrong, Ric?" she asked.

  He turned and looked at her. Fierce emotions raged in his gaze, and in a cold voice he asked, "Who invited my aunt and uncle?"

  Before she could respond, her friends walked up.

  "Congratulations," Marianne said giving Anna May a hug. One by one her friends and family offered their best wishes to the couple. She felt Ric stiffen when his aunt and uncle, John and Betty Steward, the last people in the receiving line, approached them. The gray in Mrs. Steward's hair was more pronounced, and Mr. Steward was completely bald on the top, but the couple looked nearly the same as they did the last time she'd seen them years ago at her high school graduation.

  "Mr. and Mrs. Steward. It's good to see you again," she said giving them both a hug. The four of them stood alone as guests began to leave the church and make their way to the reception.

  "Nice to see you again, Anna May," Mrs. Steward said, her gaze on the silent man standing beside her. "How are you, Ric?" she asked, her voice a little shaky.

  "I'm fine Aunt Betty, Uncle John," he said in a coolly emotionless tone.

  "We'd love to have the two of you over for dinner sometime," Mrs. Steward added.

  "We'd—" Anna May began only to be interrupted by her husband.

  "Maybe later," Ric said in a tone which said "probably never." "Excuse me. I need to see if the limousine has arrived."

  "Ric," she said as he walked away.

  "Let him go, child," Mrs. Steward said with tears in her eyes.

  "I'm so sorry, Mrs. Steward."

  "It's not your fault," Mr. Steward said. "Ric has never stayed around us any longer than necessary."

  "But you're his family."

  "I'm sure you know family doesn't mean much to Ric. After what his mother and grandmother did to him, I'm surprised he can stand to be around us at all," Mrs. Steward said dabbing the tears from her eyes with a handkerchief.

  "He rarely talks about them. I know his mother sent him to live with his grandmother when he was little, then he came to live with you when he was fourteen. What happened to him?" Anna May asked wanting to know the answer but feeling a sense of dread like she was about to open Pandora's box.

  "We don't know all of it, but Ric's mother remarried, and her husband didn't want him around after his son was born. He had her send Ric to live with her mother. His grandmother was a cruel woman. When we came back from overseas, we went to visit him." She paused to wipe away her tears. "The way she treated him—like he was nothing. I couldn't let my brother's child live like that, so John and I filed for custody of him. For the first month he lived with us, he never came within arm's length of either of us."

  "We think his grandmother beat him," Mr. Steward said.

  "What?" Anna May asked in shock. "He never told me.

  Mrs. Steward continued, "He never did tell us either. I think by the time we came into his life when he was fourteen, Ric couldn't trust anyone. Except maybe you."

  "Come on, Anna May," James called from the rear of the church. "Your car and husband are waiting. And I'm hungry, so get a move on."

  Mrs. Steward took her hand then said, "Love him. He needs somebody to love him."

  Anna May put her hand over Mrs. Steward's and squeezed it. "I do love him. With all my heart."

  As the trio made their way down the aisle, Anna May felt a mounting sense of dread. She'd asked Ric to give her the one thing that he feared the most.

  A family.

  "Hey, the bride isn't supposed to be frowning," James said when she reached him. With the pad of his thumb, he brushed the line that had formed between her brows. If only her worries could disappear as quickly.

  She smiled at her brother and kissed his cheek. "How's that?"

  "Much better," he said and led her out of the church.

  Ric stood beside a silver Rolls Royce complete with chauffeur.

  James whistled softly. "I have to admit, your husband has style."

  Style wasn't the only thing he had, she thought. From the look in his eyes, he was hanging on to his temper by a thread. With her smile firmly in place, she said to her brother, "I'll see you at the reception."

  The chauffeur hurried to open the door as they approached the car. Ric held out his hand when she reached his side. She was thankful for his help as she tried to gracefully sit in the car. He sat down beside her on the lush leather seat.

  "Are you really angry with me?" she asked as the chauffeur walked around the car.

  He looked at her, his gaze steady and cold. "We'll talk about this later."

  Yup, Anna May thought. He's really mad with me. What a way to start a marriage.

  The short ride to the restaurant was made in silence. She wanted to talk to him about his family, but the sight of his clenched jaw made her change her mind.

  The reception was held in an old Victorian home which had been recently converted to a restaurant. As she and Ric entered the private dining room, a violinist began to play a romantic tune.

  A waiter led them to a large table where most of their party was seated. She avoided her mother's probing gaze as Ric held her chair. At her father's request, dinner was served.

  They could have kept mine, she thought later that evening when the waiter removed her nearly full plate. Although both she and Ric were cordial, she could tell that her mother sensed something was wrong. Something was wrong. She was afraid she would end up fighting with her husband on her wedding night

  "I'd like to propose a toast," her father said as he stood, holding up his glass of sparkling apple cider. He waited until all of the guests were silent before he began. "To my daughter and her new husband. I pray that God blesses your marriage. I hope you two experience the happiness your mother and I have had over the past forty years," he said smiling at his wife. "I pray He blesses you with children and that His love flows abundantly in your home. To Mr. and Mrs. Garrick Justice."

  As family and friends raised their glasses in a toast, Anna May felt the sting of tears in her eyes. Taking a sip from her glass, she hoped her father's prayer would come to pass, but she was afraid it wouldn't.

  Chapter 7

  "Wha
t was I supposed to do, Ric? Not invite them to the wedding when I just invited them to the reception?" Anna May leaned against the foyer wall, slipping off a single white satin pump and rubbing her tired foot.

  The ride to Ric's home had been made in virtual silence. Silence which was magnified by the nearly soundproof interior of the limousine and the inky darkness of the night. She'd waited until they were alone before she confronted him.

  Ric raised a single brow and replied coolly, "I expected you to let me handle matters."

  "If I'd let you handle things, your family wouldn't have been there at all," she said removing her other shoe.

  "Exactly," he said.

  She put her hands on her hips in frustration, her shoes hanging from her fingers. "Why didn't you tell me you didn't want them to come to our wedding in the first place? If I'd known you didn't get along with your aunt and uncle, I wouldn't have called them."

  Ric tugged, leaving the ends of his black bow tie unbound against his crisp white shirt. "I didn't say I didn't get along with them. They don't have a place in my life anymore."

  "Ric, they raised you. Why don't they have a place in your life?"

  "I've paid my debt to them. I don't owe them anything else," he said walking down the hallway.

  Following him around the comer past his living room, she replied, "Paid your debt? They're your family. You don't pay for family."

  He paused in front of the stairs. "Leave it alone, Anna May."

  "I don't understand," she said gathering her skirt and climbing the stairs beside him. "They seem like a nice couple. Did they mistreat you or something?"

  "I imagine they treated me well enough."

  "Then why didn't you want your family around?" she asked frustrated by his stubbornness.

  He stopped in front of the bedroom she'd used the night of the ice storm. "I guess I'm not the family type. I had your things put in here. If you don't like this room, we can move you to one of the other two bedrooms."

  A wave of disappointment washed over her. She'd looked forward to sharing his master bedroom. His master bed was what she really wanted to share. "This is fine," she said.