If Only You Knew Page 4

  He froze with the spoon poised at his lips. Then he carefully placed the spoon in his bowl. "Yes," he replied cryptically.

  "What exactly do you find attractive about me?" she asked before taking a bite of her ham and cheese sandwich. She chewed slowly to hide her smile when she saw him give her a weary, suspicious look.

  "Why do you ask?"

  "Because I need to know in case you don't want to be the father of my child. I'd like to know what are my best assets to attract a man."

  Ric stared at her. Hard. His eyes flashed with annoyance. "This isn't going to work."

  "You don't think a man would want me?"

  He frowned. "That's not what I said. This exercise of yours isn't going to work."

  "What exercise?" she asked blotting her lips with a paper napkin.

  "Talking about other men, asking me if I find you attractive. Don't try to manipulate me. I've known you too long for it to work."

  "Don't you think I know that? You've just stated the reason why I would never try to manipulate you." She slipped her hand behind her back and crossed her fingers in much the same way as she'd done when she was a child. "We've known each other too long to pull anything over on each other. That's why I'm asking you these questions—because you'll give me a straight answer. Besides you're a man. I need to know what is it about me that you find attractive. I've got to cover all the possibilities in case you decline my offer."

  "You make this sound like a business deal," Ric muttered.

  "It is a business deal of sorts. I get the child I want and you get ..." Her voice trailed off as she looked away from his gaze.

  "Yes, what do I get out of this?"

  Slowly she turned to him. "Whatever you want, Ric. I'd be forever in your debt."

  "Don't be so quick to put yourself in debt without first knowing the total cost. It might be more than you can afford," he said in a soft, almost distracted voice.

  "You'd never ask for more than I could give," Anna May said quietly.

  Ric's frown deepened.

  Seeing his frown, Anna May pasted a smile on her face. "We've gotten totally off the subject, and you still haven't answered my question. What do you find attractive about me?"

  He took another sip of his soup and carefully studied her. "You have a cute face."

  "Cute?" she asked in disbelief.

  "Yeah. Cute."

  Anna May shook her head. "No, Ric. Babies are cute. Puppies are cute. Grown women aren't cute."

  "Look, you asked me a question and I've given you my answer," he replied with a laugh.

  "I don't want to be cute," she said in frustration. "I want to be attractive, sexy, dangerous. Cute is so ... so tame."

  Ric shook his head in confusion. "There's nothing wrong with cute. I like cute."

  "Uh-huh. Then why do you date women who look like they should be on the cover of Essence magazine?"

  "I am not going to apologize for dating beautiful women."

  "See there," Anna May pointed her finger at him.

  He held up his hands in confusion. "What?"

  "You didn't call them cute."

  "Anna May, give me a break," he said folding his arms across his chest.

  "I've got one more question. Do you know any single men?"

  "Yes. Why?"

  "If you won't marry me and give me a child, maybe you know someone who will."

  Ric couldn't sleep. Anna May had fallen asleep within minutes after lying down. He, on the other hand, stared at the shadows on the ceiling, wide awake. How could he fall asleep with her lying at his side? Her lush body so close to his. The sweet smell of her jasmine perfume stirring his senses and his manhood.

  He wanted so badly to skirt his hands around her neat little waist, then glide them over her firm hips and stomach. Her stomach which would grow large with child, his child, if she had her way.

  He'd never considered having a child. Building his company had required most of his time. Dating was a luxury he couldn't afford then. Now that it was successful, he was very selective when dating. He'd seen more than one successful businessman trapped by a money-hungry woman. If he hadn't known Anna May for so long, he would have thought she was trying to get his money. She'd turned down all of his offers to help her financially. He could have made her a rich woman many times over, but she wasn't interested.

  He tensed as she moved on the other side of the sofa bed then relaxed when she stayed on her side. He was already hugging the edge of the sofa. If he moved any more, he'd be on the floor. He wished there was a way to give her the child that she wanted without getting involved with her. Ric smiled in the darkness. Immaculate conception was a one-time deal as far as he knew, and unless things had changed in the last few weeks, Anna May was definitely a virgin. She was also stubborn and determined. He didn't doubt she'd do everything she could to marry and have a child. She'd offered to be forever in his debt. Didn't she realize giving her a child would clear the debt he owed her? A life for a life. She'd saved his life and he could give her a child, a life in return.

  As he stared into the darkness, he wondered if he could afford the price.

  Three days later ...

  Anna May placed the last tray of fruit on her oak dining room table and surveyed the spread. Fresh fruit, lean meats, and steamed vegetables were arranged on the table. It was her turn to host the monthly meeting of the Ladies' Club.

  She and Janet Hill had formed the group out of self-defense. They were the only women in their company's public relations department. They'd supported each other when their male co-workers were promoted over them, used each other as a sounding board for ideas, and helped each other plan their careers. Raina Deux and Marianne Jones became members of the club two years later when they came to work for the company.

  In the four years since they began meeting, they'd seen Marianne and Janet leave the company to join other firms. They'd planned Marianne's wedding and later her baby shower, been at Anna May's side at her surgery two years ago, and supported Marianne during a very nasty divorce.

  Anna May adjusted a tray of vegetables on the table. I hope that they'll support me when I tell them about my plan with Ric, she thought. Ric. She hadn't expected him to distance himself from her. She'd invited him out for dinner like she would have done any other time, but he'd declined. He said it was because he was working late, but she could tell from his tone that he wasn't being truthful. That had hurt.

  At the sound of the doorbell, she smoothed the fabric of her gray wool pants over her hips and straightened her shoulders. She paused before the mirror in the foyer, checking her appearance, then asked, "Who is it?"

  "Janet."

  Anna May opened the door. Janet Hill stood on the porch, holding a bunch of flowers. When people saw Janet for the first time, they thought she was a teenager until they noticed her eyes. She had the kind of eyes that had seen too much.

  "Hey, girl." Janet stepped inside, giving Anna May the flowers. "These are for you."

  "Thanks. They're gorgeous." She had learned over the years to accept Janet's small gifts when she came to her home. Janet never came to anyone's home empty handed.

  "Do you need any help with the food?" Janet asked as she took off her coat.

  Anna May laid the flowers on the table in the foyer. "No. I've got everything taken care of. Do you want anything to drink while we wait for the others to get here?"

  "The regular. Water with lemon." Janet looked around the room. "You've changed things around again," she said.

  "Yeah." Anna May looked around her living room. "The look in this room was getting old. It needed something fresh. What do you think?"

  Janet tilted her head to the side and surveyed the room. "It's okay but seems a little too tame for you."

  "That's what I told Ric when he helped me move the furniture."

  "Ah, that explains it," Janet said.

  "Explains what?"

  "You wouldn't have chosen this look on your own. It's not bright, and there's not
enough color."

  "I like this," Anna May said defensively.

  Janet put her hands into the pockets of her baggy jeans and shrugged her shoulders. "Whatever you say."

  The doorbell rang. Anna May went to the door.

  "Hey"—Marianne hugged her then rushed through the door—"I'm so sorry we're late."

  "It wasn't your fault, Marianne," Raina said quietly as she walked inside. "The Department of Transportation closed the exit that we normally use, and the side streets were crowded."

  "That's okay," Anna May said. "You're here now."

  "No, it's not okay," Marianne said. "I made a bet with Janet that I'd get here on time. For once, I left early so I could arrive at our meeting on time. Now I have to pay Janet twenty dollars."

  "I take Visa, MasterCard, American Express—and yes, of course, cash," Janet said from her position in the recliner.

  Marianne sighed then reached inside her purse.

  "I don't know why you bet with Janet. You always lose," Anna May said.

  "One of these days I'm going to win," Marianne replied.

  "We'll all be old and retired when that happens," Janet said.

  Shaking her head, Anna May joined her friends.

  "You've been moving stuff around again," Raina said. "I like it. It's very cool, very sophisticated."

  "Thank you." Anna May smiled.

  "It's pretty, but it just doesn't seem like you," Marianne interjected.

  Anna May glared at Janet.

  "I didn't say anything to her," Janet said holding up her hands in surrender.

  Marianne looked back and forth between them in confusion. "What?" she asked.

  "Ric helped me with this room," Anna May replied.

  "This looks like his style," Raina said as she looked around the room. "Controlled and orderly."

  "It looks just fine," Anna May insisted, dipping a carrot stick into the low-fat dressing.

  "I'll bet you twenty dollars she'll change this room in two weeks," Janet said.

  "That's not a bet," Marianne replied. "That's a sure thing."

  "Maybe we should bet on the color she'll use in this room." Janet sipped her water with lemon.

  "No. I think we—"

  "If you two don't mind," Anna May said interrupting Marianne, "I'd like to talk to you about something important."

  "What is it?" Raina asked.

  Anna May looked at her friends, trying to force the words from her lips. It was hard, almost as hard as it had been to tell Ric. She knew they would share her hurt, her anger, and when she needed it, they would share their strength and love. "I went to the doctor a few weeks ago." She closed her eyes in an effort to stem the tears. Her effort was in vain. "The tumors are back."

  In seconds they were at her side.

  "Oh, no." Marianne reached out and held her hand.

  "What did the doctor say?" Janet demanded while Raina quietly waited for her answer.

  "I actually saw three different doctors, and they all say the same thing. If I'm going to have a child, I need to get pregnant now."

  "What are you going to do, Anna May?" Raina asked quietly and pressed a napkin in her hand.

  She wiped her cheeks and eyes with the napkin. "I've thought and prayed about this, and I hope you'll support my decision."

  "What's your decision?" Janet asked.

  Anna May looked at her friends then said, "I've decided to get married and have a child."

  "But you're not dating anybody," Marianne said in confusion.

  Raina frowned.

  Janet pinned her with a piercing glare. "Unless you know something that we don't," she said gesturing to Raina and Marianne. "You don't just decide to get married and have a child like you decide to have ketchup on a hamburger."

  "I didn't just up and decide to get married. I made a list of all the things I wanted in a husband and father, then I made a list of all the men I thought would meet those criteria. That's when I came to my decision."

  "Wait a minute," Janet said. "You made a list like you would if you were going grocery shopping, then picked a man?"

  "You didn't have to say it like that, but ... yes. That's what I did," Anna May replied.

  "Who did you decide on?" Raina asked.

  "I've asked Ric to marry me." Anna May folded her hands in her lap and waited for the explosion. She didn't have long to wait.

  "What?" Marianne gasped.

  "Oh," Raina mused.

  "The Ice Man," Janet said as she nodded her head.

  "This is not right, Anna May," Marianne said coming to her feet "This isn't the way to start a marriage. It's not the way to bring a child into the world. Marriage is hard enough, even when two people love each other."

  "I love Ric."

  "But does he love you?" Marianne asked. "It's hell being married to a man who doesn't love you, Anna May. I know what it's like. Don't make the same mistake I made."

  "I know Ric doesn't love me," she said. "I don't have the time to wait on love. It's now or never as far as time to have a child."

  "Have you talked with your family?" Raina asked.

  "No, not yet. I'm waiting to hear Ric's decision."

  "When will you hear from him?" Janet asked.

  "Tomorrow."

  "I don't know about this," Marianne muttered.

  "Y'all are my closest friends, and I need your support right now." Anna May looked at her friends.

  "We'll support you," Janet said. "Whatever you decide to do, we'll be there for you. Right?" She looked at Raina and Marianne.

  "Right," Raina added with a soft smile.

  Marianne gave her a concerned frown before reluctantly replying, "Right."

  Anna May felt as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She hadn't realized how much the support of her friends meant to her until that moment. Now all she had to do was wait on Ric's decision.

  "Do you think Ric will marry you?" Raina asked.

  "I don't know, Raina. I don't know."

  "Well, it seems to me that you need to start planning this wedding," Janet said from across the room.

  "I've already looked into it," Anna May said. "But the courthouse would be much faster."

  "You don't really think your family is going to let their only girl slide by with a courthouse wedding, do you?" Marianne said.

  "No. I want a church wedding, but I've got to start trying to have a child as soon as possible."

  "She has a point, Marianne," Raina said softly. "If I were a virgin at thirty-three years old, I'd want to have sex real soon, too."

  Anna May stared at Raina in surprise. Laughter bubbled up inside her. She put her hand over her lips to hold back the laughter, but she lost the battle at the sound of Janet's unladylike guffaw.

  "I'm a virgin and I'm proud of it," Anna May said when she finally stopped laughing.

  "You aren't going to be a virgin for long if you want to have a baby," Janet said.

  No, Anna May thought to herself. I won't be a virgin for long. I hope.

  Janet joined Raina and Marianne at Marianne's house a few hours later. Marianne's three-year-old daughter, Noriah, wrapped her arms around Janet's knees as soon as Janet entered the room.

  "Hi," Noriah said. "Have you come to play with me?"

  "Uh ...'' Janet looked down at the little girl, who was now using her legs for balance as she leaned back to look at her.

  "Honey, she'll play with you in a few minutes." Marianne unlatched her daughter from Janet's legs. "Mama, Janet, and Raina need to talk."

  "What are you talking about?" Noriah asked.

  Marianne tickled Noriah's belly. "We're going to talk about you."

  "You are?"

  "No," she said. "Why don't I put on the dinosaur movie?

  "Raina's in the living room, Janet. It won't take me long to get Noriah settled."

  Janet walked into the living room and joined Raina on the sofa. "Why do I let a three-year-old scare me?"

  "I'm convinced Noriah is really twenty yea
rs old," Raina said.

  Marianne joined them. "That movie should hold her for about forty-five minutes," she said as she sat in a chair. "Janet, we've got to stop Anna May from going through with this crazy plan of hers."

  "Whoa, whoa," Janet said frowning. "You said you'd give her your support a few hours ago."

  "I know, but I can't just sit back and let her make a mess of her life."

  Janet turned to Raina. "Do you feel the same way?"

  "No. Whatever Anna May decides to do, I'll support her. She's been in love with Ric for years. Maybe this will work for them," Raina said.

  "I can't believe the two of you," Marianne snapped. "Our friend is about to make the worst mistake of her life, and you two are going to go along with it."

  "We can't stop Anna May from doing what she thinks is best," Janet said. "Like we couldn't stop you from getting married to a known womanizer."

  "That's exactly why we've got to stop her," Marianne insisted.

  "That's exactly why we're going to let her make her own decision," Raina said. "Anna May has to do what's right for her, like we have to do what's right for us. If you push her, she'll push back hard. Do you really want to lose her friendship over this?"

  Marianne shook her head. "I don't want to lose her friendship, but I can't help but be concerned."

  "We are all concerned," Janet added. "I'm afraid Ric won't marry her. I'm afraid Ric will marry her and break her heart."

  "All we can do," Raina said gently, "is be her friend right now and wait and see what happens."

  The three women silently contemplated the weeks ahead. For different reasons, they were all afraid for Anna May.

  "Good morning, Mr. Justice."

  "Morning, Mrs. Jones." Ric walked past his secretary's desk and into his plush eighteenth-floor office. In the five years since he'd hired her, he'd never called her by her first name. He'd always called her Mrs. Jones, and she always referred to him as Mr. Justice. They'd never developed the informal business relationship like some of his junior officers had with their secretaries, and he preferred to keep it that way.