If Only You Knew

  If Only You Knew

  Carla Fredd

  Contents

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Epilogue

  Books By Carla Fredd

  About the Author

  Carla Fredd

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are a product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

  * * *

  Published by

  Firebird Enterprises, LLC

  P. O. Box 360750

  Decatur, GA 30076

  * * *

  If Only You Knew: Copyright © 1996 by Carla Fredd

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means now known or hereinafter invented, electronic or mechanical, including but not limited to photocopying, recording, or by an information storage and retrieval system, without the written permission of the Publisher, except where permitted by law.

  * * *

  Cover Design: YOLCA Designs

  This book is dedicated to

  my heroes

  Gary W. Levister, who would, and to J. Darrin Evans, who wouldn't.

  Thanks, guys.

  Prologue

  "I'll be good, Mama. I'll be good." Six-year-old Ric Justice cried as his mother walked to the door of his grandmother's small shotgun home. His mother had opened the windows when they arrived, and now the smell of pinto beans from the stove clashed with her perfume and hot stifling summer heat.

  "I can't take you back with me. You know Evan doesn't like it when you touch his things, and you went into his desk and wrote on his important papers." She rocked her youngest son, Adam, in her arms when he began to fret.

  "I won't do it again," Ric replied as he wiped the tears from his eyes. "I want to go home with you and Adam."

  "Take him with you. Why should I be saddled with him?" came a voice from behind Ric. "I told you not to marry that no-good soldier in the first place, and what do you have to show for it? A dead soldier's child to take care of. I don't blame Evan for not wanting the child in his house when he has his own child to feed."

  "Mama, Ric won't be any trouble. Will you?" she said with a smile.

  "I want to go with you," Ric said.

  "You can't, honey." She picked up the baby bag and placed it over her arm. "Now give Mama a kiss."

  Ric walked across the room and kissed his mother's cheek. He was careful not to mess up her makeup. Mama didn't like it when he messed up her makeup.

  "I love you, sugarplum," she said carelessly. "Now stay with Grandma and be a good boy."

  "You're not giving me enough money to take care of the kid. How am I supposed to eat and feed him, too?"

  "Evan's taking care of that, Mama. Bye, Ric. Say goodbye to Adam," she said turning the baby so that the two brothers faced each other.

  "Bye, Adam," Ric said, and the tears began to fall again. His chest hurt, and he felt as if he couldn't breathe. "Maaamaaa."

  "Hush now, Ric, and be a good boy." She smiled and walked out of the door.

  Ric hung his head and cried.

  The blow was hard and fast but not unexpected. Ric rubbed his leg, trying to ease the stinging pain. "Hush before I give you something to cry about."

  Ric tried to be quiet, but he couldn't control the whimpers that escaped.

  "Hush, boy," his grandmother yelled and delivered another blow to his leg. "You'd better mind me. Your mama doesn't want you with her, and if you don't mind me, you'll be put in a home and nobody will want you then."

  Ric cried silently as his grandmother left the room. He had to be good. Maybe if he was good enough, then his mother would come back for him.

  Chapter 1

  She wasn't going to make it home.

  Anna May Robinson gripped the steering wheel tighter as a blast of arctic wind coated the windshield with sleet and ice, blowing her Galant into the next lane of the nearly deserted highway. Normally on a Friday night, traffic would be heavy with weary travelers leaving Atlanta's busy international airport. She'd traveled down this highway many times over the last few months. For the first time tonight, she felt a twinge of fear. She could barely see the red taillights of a car in front of her, and she hadn't seen any signs of a car behind her in the last thirty minutes.

  As she passed a line of abandoned cars on the side of the road, she wondered if she should pull over and wait out the storm. The shrill, howling sound of the wind convinced her to keep driving.

  According to the radio announcer, she was in the middle of one of the worst ice storms in Atlanta's history. From the time she'd merged onto I-285 an hour ago, she'd watched snow cover the tall pine trees that lined the highway, creating a beautiful winter wonderland. But as the sunlight began to fade, snow became ice. Young trees snapped like matchsticks, and old trees were doubled over under the weight of the ice.

  With each pass of the windshield wipers, she said a prayer. She prayed for herself and the other poor souls who were out in the storm tonight.

  Maybe I should have stayed in the airport or tried to get a hotel room, she thought. She grimaced with distaste at the thought of spending another night in a hotel room. For the past three weeks, she'd stayed in a hotel. She and four of her co-workers in the public relations department handled the press releases announcing her company's buyout of their major competitor to major newspapers, magazines, and television. She was sick of hotels. She wanted to sleep in her own bed and cook her own food, but it seemed the only place she'd be sleeping tonight would be in her car.

  Without warning, she drove over a patch of black ice, sending her car skidding across the highway. "Keep calm, keep calm," she said. Her words were contradictory to the icy waves of fear that spread throughout her body. Anna May turned in the direction of the skid and took her foot off the gas pedal. Her hands shook as she brought the car under control.

  She wasn't going to make it if the road was like this all the way to her house in Decatur. She was going to have to find a place to stay tonight or until the storm was over. If she hadn't exchanged tickets with her co-worker, she wouldn't be in this mess. But Cally, her co-worker, had a husband and a seven-month-old son that she hadn't seen in three weeks. There was no one at home waiting for her. Despite the awful weather, Anna May would have done the same thing.

  The wind whirled around her, making it difficult for her to keep the car steady. Her shoulders began to burn with fatigue from leaning forward to get a better view of the highway. Snow swirled wildly around the dimly lit green sign. I-675. One mile. The exit to Ric's house. Her salvation.

  Ric Justice was the love of her life. The only man she'd ever loved. She'd been fourteen years old when he'd moved in across the street.

  Anna May smiled as she remembered the first time she saw him. He was every teenage girl's dream dressed in gym shorts that hot summer afternoon. His T-shirt thrown on the sidewalk in front of his aunt's house. Sweat gleamed on his copper brown chest and shoulders. The late afternoon sun brought out red highlights in his dark brown hair.

  She supposed what she felt when she saw him was what her Sunday school teacher called lust of the flesh. At the time, Sunday school was the last thing on her mind. He moved with grace as he pushed the lawn mower across the lawn. She'd waited until he finished mowing the lawn before she walked across the stree
t. His cool response to her didn't stop her from being friendly to him. In fact his response made her more determined to be his friend. Over the next nineteen years, her lust and friendship had developed into love ... love that Ric didn't return.

  She punched a button on her cell phone and gave a verbal command to dial Ric's number.

  "Justice." His voice was deep and smooth like honey.

  "Ric, it's Anna May."

  "Where are you? You sound like you're on your cell phone."

  "I am. I just got back in town. The roads are too icy for me to get to my house. I'm about a mile away from your exit."

  "You left the airport in this mess?"

  Anna May winced. Although he hadn't raised his voice, Ric's quiet tone communicated his displeasure with the skill and precision of a seasoned marksman.

  As much as she loved Ric, she did not intend to let him talk down to her. "It wasn't like this when I left an hour ago, Garrick. I'm not crazy enough to start driving home in an ice storm."

  "The weather turned dangerous about thirty minutes ago. Why didn't you stop then?"

  "I thought I could make it home," Anna May replied.

  "No, you were too stubborn to admit defeat."

  "Don't get smart with me, Ric." The wind howled. Its force battered her car as if to push it across the deserted highway. She tightened her grip on the steering wheel to keep her car under control.

  "What the hell is that noise?"

  "The wind. I'm scared, Ric."

  "Pull over on the side of the road, and I'll come and get you."

  "No. Both of us don't need to be out in this mess. I'll call you if I run into any trouble."

  "Don't you hang up, Anna May. You stay on the line until you get to my house." The tone of his voice conveyed a message of: Do what I say and I mean it. She knew he was worried. He'd only use that stern tone of voice when he was worried.

  She could almost picture him pacing back and forth, with his dark brown eyebrows drawn together in a frown. His head lowered as if contemplating the best way to get her to his home.

  "I can't concentrate on driving and talk to you at the same time," she said.

  "We don't have to talk. I just need to know that you aren't having trouble out there," he said.

  Her heart melted. Ric wasn't one to show his feelings, but when he said things like that to her, she knew he really cared about her. "All right, I'll stay on the line."

  Forty-five minutes later, she breathed a sigh of relief when she reached the private road that led to Ric's house.

  "I made it," she whispered.

  "Did you say something, Anna May?"

  "Yes, I just reached your road. I'm almost there."

  Thick groves of pecan trees lined either side of the road. She drove at a snail's pace, going around fallen limbs when she could and driving over them when she couldn't. Finally, she inched around the last curve in the road. Ric's one-hundred-year-old, three-story farmhouse was ablaze with lights.

  Then she saw him.

  Ric stood staring out of the large picture window, holding a cordless telephone to his ear, watching and waiting for her. "Park in the garage," he said and hung up the phone. The four-car garage was a separate building joined to the house by an enclosed breezeway. It was the only addition he'd made when he bought the house. A single garage door was open. She drove inside and parked her car. She laid her head on the steering wheel. The tense muscles in her shoulders protested against her movement. The slight pain was inconsequential to the relief she felt now that the ordeal of driving on ice was over.

  She lifted her head at the sound of tapping on the driver-side window.

  "Are you all right?" he asked as he leaned down beside her car. His voice was forceful and shadowed with worry.

  He looked every inch a successful businessman. His crisp, white shirt fit his broad shoulders like a glove. His subdued paisley tie was firmly in place. Most people would have changed into casual clothes when they came home, but Ric never changed if he planned to work at home. It was only when he turned off his laptop that he changed into casual clothing.

  "Anna May," he said in a tone that demanded her attention.

  She met his golden brown gaze and was floored by the unmistakable masculine beauty of him. Over the years she'd developed an art of hiding her feelings for him behind a mask of friendship. But it took time to put that mask in place, time that she hadn't had. Lord, she loved this man.

  Get your act together, she thought to herself and pasted a friendly smile on her face. "I'm fine," she said.

  She picked up her purse from the passenger seat and stepped out of the car.

  He was big. She'd always felt diminutive standing next to his six-foot six-inch frame. Ric grasped her shoulders as if to make sure she was really there. The subtle fragrance of his cologne enveloped her senses. Then he smiled at her. His deep masculine dimples appeared. What she would give to have him smile at her the way her father smiled at her mother, with love. A blast of cold air brought her back to reality.

  "Come on, let's get you inside," he said. "Do you need anything out of the car?"

  "Just my suitcase." She walked to the back of the car and opened the trunk. Ric reached inside and removed the bag. When he closed the trunk, she wondered if she'd made the right choice. If she didn't put some distance between them, she was afraid that she'd do something to drive away her very best friend in the world. She couldn't bear the thought of that happening.

  Anna May felt refreshed after the hot shower. The red sweat suit and sneakers were more her rather than the business suit she'd worn earlier. I'm glad I carried it with me on this trip, she thought. Making her way downstairs, thick carpet muffling the sound of her footsteps, she searched for Ric. She found him in the kitchen. Leaning against the doorway, she watched him carefully pour hot water into a cup. His movements were precise and controlled, much like the man himself. Even his house had a sense of exacting order about it—from the braided throw rug in the foyer to the ceramic canisters in the kitchen—everything in the house was neat and in place. Everything was also very boring.

  "You know it wouldn't hurt if you put plants in the window," she said as she walked to the window above the sink. "A cactus would thrive in this window, and it doesn't require any work on your part."

  Ric tilted his head to the side as if visualizing cacti in the window. "No. I like it like it is."

  "Boorring," she said as she rolled her eyes.

  "Just because your house resembles the Amazon rain forest doesn't mean that I want mine to look like a jungle."

  "One plant does not make a jungle."

  "If I thought you'd be content with just one plant, I'd get one—but before I knew it you'd have a plant in every room in the house." He placed the tea bag in a cup.

  "That's not exactly true," she said watching him lift then lower the tea bag into the cup.

  Ric smiled. "Then why do I have dried flowers all over my house?"

  "It's potpourri. You said you liked it"

  "Yes, I liked it in the den," he said turning his attention away from the cup of tea to look at her.

  "What's the use of having it just in the den?"

  Ric laughed and shook his head. "Never mind, Anna May. Here's your decaffeinated tea. I'm surprised you're drinking anything decaffeinated," he said as he gave her the cup.

  "I'm cutting out caffeine in my diet."

  "What brought that on? I've been on your case for years to cut down on caffeine."

  She took a sip of tea then said, "I'm following my doctor's advice."

  "There's nothing wrong, is there?" A thin line formed between his brows.

  Her stomach growled, reminding her that she hadn't eaten since lunch. "Nothing that a good dinner won't take care of. Speaking of dinner, what's there to eat around here?" She turned away from him, evading his questioning gaze and opened a cabinet.

  "Here," he said opening a drawer. "Have some of these."

  "These" were a miniature box of lemo
n drop candy. Her favorite. He always had the candy in his home. It was one of the small things he did to show that he cared for her.

  Anna May held out her hand and smiled as he carefully shook two pieces of candy, her normal limit, into her palm. "Mmm. Thanks."

  "You're welcome," he replied tossing the empty box into the trash then going to the refrigerator. "How about steak for dinner? It's already thawed."

  "Sounds good," she said and placed her cup on the counter.

  Together they prepared steaks, baked sweet potatoes, and tossed salad. They sat at the breakfast bar eating their dinner and listening to the weather report on the radio.

  "Looks like we'll be snowed in for a few days," Ric said when the report ended.

  "Yeah," she said. A few days alone with Ric. It would be heaven. It would be hell. Could she keep her feelings for him hidden? She didn't want to think about it.

  "So how did you get stuck in this weather?" he asked. "I thought you said you had an earlier flight."

  "I did but I switched with Cally. She hasn't seen her little boy in three weeks, and it didn't seem fair for her to sit in the airport for another two hours when she could be with her baby."

  He shook his head. "Anna May, you're always taking care of everybody else. When are you going to take care of you?"

  She sighed. They'd had this discussion before, and no matter how many times she tried to explain herself, Ric never understood her need to give to others. "I do take care of me. Switching flights with Cally wasn't a big deal. I like helping others. I like making people happy," she said shrugging her shoulders. "There's no harm in that."